The Honest Truth
by Mayuna
Summary: I've seen a lot of stories regarding my sexual preference and let me tell you, you're all sick, twisted and demented!  sincerely, Edward Elric
1. Chapter 1

Alright let me start off by saying that I'm Edward Elric. Now I know that some of you may know me by the name of full metal but just forget about that for right now, it was a long time ago and that part of my life is over okay? Get over it? Good.

Now I've heard from other sources that there is a lot of speculation as to my sexual preference. Let me say this, it's not anyone's damn business. Why does it matter if I like women or men? It really doesn't have anything to do with any of you so why does it really, in the grand scheme of things, matter?

I wasn't going to address this because like I said it's no one's damn business until I got wind of all the speculation you people have thrown out there. Pairing me with just about everyone I've ever come into contact with including my own flesh and blood makes me want to vomit.

Reading this crap about me touching people that I despise and actually being intimate with them makes my head spin. Now before you all get, 'oh Ed reads fan fiction', happy let me make something clear; I didn't search for it it found me. It was sent to me via email, yes I have an email account no you can't have it, by my brother who nearly had a heart attack after he read a particularly disturbing, what you people call yaoi, story about us.

Why in the blue hell would I want to have sex with my brother? You sick freaks! Cut us some slack for Christ sake; forgot about cute sixteen year old Edward you may have seen from the anime or thirteen year old Alphonse from the movie okay and keep what I'm about to say in mind; we are old. We are both very old men now and I highly doubt that if there were any fact based on this pairing no one would want to watch a coupling take place between us.

Then there's me with Winry, she was my friend, my sister in a sense but sure as hell not my lover. Thinking back I do remember what it was like to be a teenager and let me tell you it's no hormonal picnic! I never swept her off her feet and laid her down on her bed or ravaged her on her work bench. The thought of it actually makes me cringe, I saw Winry naked once on accident when we were visiting Resembool and I thought my eyes were going to burn out of my head!

As far as Roy Mustang goes, I haven't given that bastard a second thought since I left his arrogant ass in Amestris. The only solace I take is in the fact that he's long gone and dead, I mean if I'm this old then if Mustang is alive he must be demented and drooling on himself. That mental picture makes me happy, not one of him tied up and naked or me sneaking into his office to sex him. I can't even being to name off how wrong that pairing is but damn it all I'm going to try. First off, when I met Mustang I was eleven still just a little kid. He was a grown man, full adult; now I don't know how it is where you people all live but I know around here and back in Amestris there were laws that discouraged most people from doing things like that. Secondly, the manga is closer to the truth of our lives yes but doesn't even tip the ice burg as to how much I hated Roy Mustang. The sadistic bastard took pleasure in reminding me daily of how precocious the situation was and one little slip cue thumb snap just to unnerve me as I stand before him trembling was all it would take for my ass to go to jail and Alphonse to be hauled off to a lab for experiments. I actually used to have dreams of slaughtering that son of a bitch and if I could have I would have. The best day of my life was knowing the next day I wouldn't have to see him ever again.

With all that said let me get to the point of why I am addressing all of you; I am not gay. I do not like men, I am not attracted or turned on by the same sex; period! End of story However I am also not attracted to or necessarily turned on by the opposite sex either. Confused? Well how did you think I felt? When other teenagers are experimenting with kissing and dating for starters I was working for the military and running around like a damn chicken with my head cut off so I really didn't have the time to figure things out with someone else I guess you could say. Even if I had had the time though I wouldn't have wanted too.

So Ed's not gay, Ed's not straight. What exactly does that make Ed? The answer is simple; asexual. Now before anyone reading this gets all happy thinking that I can impregnate myself or something twisted along those lines let me say this; NO and EWW! I'm a guy, no female organs hidden in this body girls much to some of your chagrin. That would be a hermaphrodite and even still I don't think they can impregnate themselves either at least I hope not.

Anyways what does it mean exactly if a person is asexual. Basically it means that I don't enjoy the physical side of a relationship. Holding hands, small kisses on the cheek and gentle hugging are fine but when it comes down to kissing on the lips or beyond makes me shudder. Sure I get dirty thoughts and yes I am attracted to people but honestly the dirty thoughts make me feel dirty, as if I'm a terrible person for having them.

If you saw someone that you were physically attracted to walking down the street most people would think 'I would love to jump their bones' where as I'd think 'I'd really like to get to know them'. People who are asexual take great pleasure in emotional relationships not physical ones. This doesn't mean I'm a virgin no, I have had a few partners all of which were women by the way. I tried to enjoy it and tried to tell myself it was a normal natural thing but it disgusts me and I can't bring myself to do it. So I stopped and have been all the happier because of it.

You'd be surprised, especially as you get older, how less sex matters in a relationship. To me it was the greatest thing when women I had known for years became less interested in sleeping with me and just wanted to talk with me.

So happy now that you all know my sexual preference? You people are like vultures, don't you dare turn my words around either! I'm old and can't take this aggravation damn it!

Edward Elric


	2. Chapter 2

_**I really debated posting this for him this time just because some of the thing's Edward say's is well cruel and I told him he's only feeding an impending fire but he doesn't care and wants to be heard. I want to make this perfectly clear my views and Ed Elric's are completely different. I just go to clean up his apartment and cook for him….which he makes absolutely difficult for me to do. Anyways I'm apologizing for Ed's behavior in advance.**_

_**Mayuna**_

I really couldn't believe that there were replies to this. You weren't supposed to reply! You were supposed to say 'wow, well that settles that' or even 'Ed's an odd ball. I'm going to stay as far away from his as possible' but no, you can't just do that can you? What surprised me even more was most of you enjoyed it! As if my explaining this to you brought you some happiness. What the hell? I didn't do that and was not put on this earth to make you all happy. I don't even know you people!

Now I wasn't going to read these because frankly I don't really care but my house keep girl, who is posting these for me on that site she wastes too much time on when she should be cleaning or shopping for me, showed them to me because she thought they were funny. I was disturbed by the fact that people replied honestly in particular by three of the 'reviews' that were sent.

_Bwahahaha, this was hilarious, Auntie! XD Ed's a grumpy old guy! I'll have an emotional relationship with you, Ed! flails like the fangirl she is -Ayumi Elric_

There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. First off, who the hell are you to call yourself an Elric? I never had children but Al had quite a few so I asked him if you were one of his grandkids or great grandkids. He said he'd never heard of you before so I ask again, who the hell are you? What did you change your name to Elric because you thought it would be cool? You are not an Elric never was and never will be you freak! Secondly, I never would let you near me let alone close enough to touch me. I was informed how old you are, why do you like me? You were right about one thing though I **AM **a grumpy old guy that's usually enough to keep people away! Stop looking at me as some sick love interest damn it!

_Ok. You REALLY need to get a life. Who cares if people put Ed in pairings? Yaoi or straight. -personally I perfer yaoi- If you think that you writting this will stop people from makeing fanfics and fanart, then you need help. And for your information. The anime -at least- was pairing Winry and Ed -bleah!- because in the song LASTMEETING sung by the FMA cast including Winry, Al, Ed, Roy, Hughes -I think that's it- The lines are translated at one part to exactly:  
Winry: I love you  
Ed: I know that you do.  
So no you can go off and cry because you're facts aren't straight. So I'm now going to stop wasting my time talking to you. Goodbye. –Envi-Chan_

I hate you already because your name is Envy. Even though it's spelled differently it still has the same pronunciation and makes me shudder. For your information child I understand that the anime was pairing Winry with the Ed character, that may I add is just a mere shadow of who I really was. All I have to say about that is good for the anime! Haven't you ever seen a movie that say's 'based on a true story' or 'based on the book'? That means that that's where the general idea came from, it doesn't mean the events that take place in the movie are exactly the way they took place in real life as they were happening or in the book as it was written. They take the rough idea and completely screw with it to their specifications, which is exactly what happened with the manga and anime. I won't deny the fact that Winry said on more than one occasion that she liked me. She never blurted out that she loved me but I had my suspicions. Never once did I say before that she had never said that. I made it very clear to everyone from the beginning though that yes I liked Winry, as a friend nothing more. I've heard that a few songs were written and performed for the voice actors who did the Japanese dub of the show and by Ed replying to Winry saying 'I know that you do' proves not a god damn thing! I don't know what your fucking point was to that but if she said 'I love you' I say ' I know you do' does that translate to me saying 'Oh yeah I'm hot for you'? NO! It doesn't!

I don't even want to touch upon the yaoi part of it. If you like yaoi then your facts aren't straight kid I just wanted to point that out. Did I think that having this posted online would change anything, of course not because like I said before you people are all damn vultures, nothing will deter you from your sick little fantasy worlds.

So now that I've blasted you and want you to know that I think you suck at life, go cry about it to someone who cares and leave me the hell alone!

_The honest truth is that this isn't a fanfic so much as a rant. So you like aesexual Ed - awesome! Now go write that. The easiest way to win people over to your point of view is to write a convincing fic about it. –Baka Denshi_

Why would you name yourself idiot electron? What the hell is that supposed to mean? It makes no sense and just your name is wasting my time. Congratulations you figured out it isn't a fan fiction what do you want a fucking cookie? You' re absolutely damn right this is a rant because I'm fed up with people pissing me off! That's all anyone's ever wanted to do; let's see what we can say to Edward today to get him nice and ticked off! When you say 'you' I'm guessing your referring to _**(edited my name out) **_or as you all know her, Mayuna. Let me tell you; that girl is stone cold fuck nuts! She's **ONE **of you damn people! The biggest mistake of my life was saying 'Of course I'm the real Edward Elric who else would I be?' When the agency first sent her over which by the way I really don't need someone to take care of me! I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself not that that's anyone's damn business. Anyways back to what I was saying, she is one of you meaning she is a yaoi obsessed insane fan girl. I swear the kid loves to torture me by making these stories where I am absolutely out of my mind, rape people, kill my brother, kill myself or what's worse is that pairing you all call elricest. All I have to say is you all think you're so god damn clever! You only call it that to try and make it sound cute you sick, sick freaks! It's incest! Plain and simple, it makes me nauseated just thinking about what most of you have probably written.

I wasn't trying to 'win' anyone over because like I said, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! Now my question to you is why would you give her any ideas? I'm warning you don't you **DARE **give her any fucking ideas! She gets enough twisted ideas of her own let alone with encouragement from the rest of you vultures! If she writes a fiction and attempts to base it off of who I really am, I'm coming after you kid! I may be old but my auto-mail fist is still hard as hell. I'm guessing you're a little girl and let me tell you I'll push that fact way into the back of my skull in order to knock you out.

I'm not even going to waste my time anymore with you people. I just want to say this; yeah I'd love for these stories to stop. Why are you all so obsessed with the lives of characters based loosely on who I used to know and the worn out plot of 'Edward saves the day' as if it mattered in the world. You all need to step away from the computers and get on with your lives! Stop making things up about mine!

Edward Elric

P.S. By the way, learn how to fucking spell you vultures!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Apparently I've really ticked people off with this rant. A lot of people who have read this said I should apologize. I've come to understand that you only apologize if you feel as if you were in the wrong. When an apology is not acceptable is in the circumstance that you truly believe in what you are saying. Do I believe that Edward is asexual? No. There is no way to truthfully indicate what his sexual preference is (please be in love with and marry Alphonse) we can only speculate. That is what I did. Now as for the ticking other's off part for attacking people who read this I'd like to say that I believe that that is how Edward would react. His character is not one to give up and give in to what he would see as a threat to him or obviously his brother. Edward's character isn't exactly one for big fancy words or to beat around the bush to insult or threaten back. Now imagine an Edward who has had a lifetime of suffering, a lifetime of disappointment, a lifetime of pain, a lifetime of tears, a lifetime of hardship and you tell me how he would act towards other people. Am I going to go out of character? No. Am I going to delete this story not at all. I am however going to make a suggestion to those who were angered by the idea I proposed here and that being that Edward is asexual. Read my other stories, don't base one thing I wrote on all of my work that my dear readers is being biased. **_

_**With that said let me address something else; if you are going to report me then report me. If I get suspended from the site or kicked off I can always come back and repost my stories. It's not that big of a deal for me. **_

_**Mayuna**_

I always have enjoyed a challenge and that is what everyone is provoking. I have come to understand that a few of you have been insulted by what I said yesterday. So I weighed my options, I can either go out for a walk around the block a few times or sit here and point out everyone's flaws. I always have been a fan of the latter.

The 'reviews' or rather what I've come to learn are called flames all sang the same song to me. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Now my question to all of you is, what for? I was blatantly attacked and simply defended myself why would I apologize for that. If someone came up to you and clobbered you in the head would you start yelling, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'? No! In most instances most people would try and fight back. That is what I did, I fought back.

Someone even had the nerve in one of these flames to call me a coward and let me tell you that's almost as bad as when people say, yes people still say it, 'but you're so short'. It was also said that I should take responsibility for my actions. I really thought long and hard as to how I could reply to that one until I realized something, you're all just pissed off because I have threatened you're 'fan girl' way of life. From my understanding women are vicious especially when you say something that they **KNOW **they are right about.

I know that by my complaining nothing will change, the world will still turn on its axis, the sun will still rise and set, you people will still write yaoi and elricest. It was a hard pill to swallow but one that I've come to accept as just how some people choose to view things but god damn it that's not going to stop me from trying.

_Okay, first off, Ed has a point... so back off all you vultures he's mine!! snaps fingers and a blue spark snaps off... Second off... Ed is just a crabby old man, lol. Okay, yeah... Bye. –Riana Mustang_

I am not yours you sick little twisted fan girl. I don't want to be yours, I never will be yours. Get out of your little fantasy world and get a fucking life! If you thought that by using a word I frequently use will get you in my favor you were horribly mistaken kid. That only makes it all the more disturbing. You go to that side of the room and I'll catch the next train out of here. Stay the hell away from me!

_WO! For once I wasn't signed out! Anyways, let's just get down to business._

I actually wasn't going to review this really; Ed is SUCH a mean, old, grumpy geezer that I was sorta detoured from it...I think what did it most sufficiently was the mental image of a really old him and a really old Alphonse doing Elricest stuff...yeah, that made my mind snap the first time I though of that. However, having that image burned into my head all night in my twisted, twisted dreams pretty much took away all repulsion toward it and now I'm just dandy with the idea. I think it's sweet. :) Kinda like YOUR MOM. ::most likely knocked upside the head by Ed at this point:: But then also, I'm actually currently engaged with, I do believe it's a younger version but I could be wrong (at least he hasn't said anything about his specific age), another Ed in a similar...hm, "debate" would be the word I'd use but he may think otherwise. (Mayuna is familiar with the fic, I'm sure. She's left some reviews on it herself.) I'm still waiting for a reply, though I'm not sure I'll get one since I called him short. Like 12 times, in a row. Maybe more. And his rant, although lacking no anger or hatred toward the fangirl population, just some how seemed nicer then this old guy's venting. (Even if he did threaten to kill me, though I'm sure you'll get around to doing the same.) I'm wondering if it has anything to do with age: am I more afraid of an old man then I am of a little boy?

Anyways the bottom line is, I guess if I'm gonna torment Edward Elric as a little kid by being a fangirl I should keep on tormenting him right on till his death. And then follow after him and torment him some more! It's kinda like that kindergarden love theory: if you like someone you must pick up a rock, kiss it, tell it all the wonderful, beautifl things you'd tell your would-be love, and then chuck that sucka as hard as you can at their head.

Hey Ed, how tall are you anyways? Or are you still as small and cute as ever:) ::most likely backhanded by the automail at this point:: That just hurt a lot. Still alive though. And moving on.

"...I am absolutely out of my mind, rape people, kill my brother, kill myself..."

That actually sounds a lot like what I write. I'm thinking I might just ditch this place to go read Mayuna's other fics and then the two of us can get together and do some group brainstorming on other various forms of insanity. Tell me Ed, what's you're favorite form of torture? And exactly what type of bondage should we use on Al: leather or good old fashioned iron shackles and chains?

And yes, it is pretty fun to tick you off. You know why? BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST SO ADORABLE WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY! No Matter How Old You Get::fangirlly scream, attempts to glomp Ed, most likely gets stabbed repeatedly in the torso::

Okay well, I guess I'll see you around...Unless you're just so horribly scared by my mindset that it's YOU who's gonna stay as far away from me as you can (now that's something to brag about to your friends; the great Edward "FullMetal Alchemist" Elric is scared to face down a little teegage girl)...Of course, I think I was being fairly mild. Your younger self in that other rant thing...yeah, he has it WAY worse. I'm at least considering the fact that you're most likely old enough to kill over at any moment from a heart attack if I said anything to...well, I don't really imagine there's much I could say at this point that would shock you, yeah? But still, that younger version of you hasn't gotten back to me yet and I'm beginning to wonder if he ever will... –Child Of The Dragon

Stick with your first initial feeling in any circumstance it usually is the best one to go by. Instead you have sent me this meaningless, pointless drabble that I just couldn't pass up due to its wrongness. Firstly, I don't know who you have been talking to that is going around saying they are me but I have never heard of you before but if you act worse around this person then you deserve every insult and threat thrown at you. There was a time where I'd get upset if anyone bad mouthed my mother but if that's the best you can come up with then it's really pointless to waste any of my time on it.

I will tell you what bothered me though. The mental image of my brother and I doing the nasty at our ages disturbed you? Well it disturbs me too! I was **TRYING **to detour you vultures from thinking those thoughts that's why I said it not so you could realize how fucking adorable it is you twisted freak! That image was burned into your head, well thanks a fucking lot because now the image of my brother tied to a bed is forever burned in mine! I don't even think I'll be able to look him in the eye with out getting red in the face and having to swallow a nitro glycerin pill!

You have every right to be afraid of an older person for these reasons. A person can experience a lot in a lifetime that can harden them and give them idea's on where are the prime places to hide bodies. Older people tend to have judicial sympathy because we can always feign dementia, Alzheimer's or some other dehabilitating condition. Lastly as you said, I could **keel**, not kill over get it right damn it, over at any time so even if I do make it through the trial I won't be in jail that long. Take that with you when you sleep at night.

_I sympathize for you, Mr. Elric. Yaoi is a sick and disgusting thing. Personally, I don't care if you have a relation or not. I watch the show for the action. What you do with your personal life is your own damn business. Thank you. - Mr. Thumbsup_

Finally someone who truly understands what I am getting at here. There have been a few people who say they understand then immediately respond with 'come away with me Edward I'll protect you'. That is just ludicrous. This makes me glad and hopeful for the rest of the population however that the show will be seen just for that and not be dissected to see what tiny insignificant instances or what someone says can be interpreted too if you twist and pull on the fabric of reality hard enough to unweave it. Thank you I appreciate it.

I tried to be 'nicer' today and I think I did a fairly knock out job. There were some I really wanted to address but didn't to spare feelings because yes I am a grumpy old geezer as someone so blatantly put it, but that doesn't mean I don't have a conscious. I just learned how to ignore it over the years.

Edward Elric


	4. Chapter 4

The flaming is tapering off quite a bit and people are starting to understand and see why I wrote this. When people see my point of view that makes me happy, even still with that in mind I'm getting asked stupid fucking questions! This is not a tell all question and answer session.

Did some of you actually think that if you wrote and said, 'oh Ed I completely understand how you feel. It's not fair, its okay; how tall are you? What do you think of the OVA's?' and other meaningless drool that doesn't matter and you only want to know because of who I am.

I talked with Al yesterday and he said that I should be appreciative that I have such a strong fan following. He thinks it's great that people aren't only interested in the show but actually interested in me. With that being his mindset I told him he should write something up and have Mayuna post it for him.

"Well brother, you know I really never did learn how to type that well and besides you know my arthritis…"

That was the end of that conversation. Way to dodge a bullet Alphonse. I don't blame him though. I've showed him the reviews and the flames. Surprise, surprise the flames unnerve him but that's just because he's too damn sensitive, at least he doesn't cry all the fucking time like when he was younger.

I seriously was more than sure for most of my life that Al would turn out gay. Sensitive, eloquent and fashionably sensible; yeah I was positive that my little brother was batting for our team until he started sleeping around and spread his oats which was really funny because then he was just a whore.

Anyways back to what I was saying, I'm not going to answer your stupid fucking questions. I'm glad that you liked the show, manga. It's unsettling that you like me, not as much as before since Al and I had out chat but I know that you all have the image of a blonde haired golden eyed kid running around in a red jacket punching anyone in the face who called him short. You want to know what I was like at that age really well I'll tell you to get you all off my damn back.

By the time I was fifteen I was only five feet tall not counting my boots that yes I did wear. I didn't gaudy myself up with that tacky red jacket from the show because that would have caused attention. It really irked me to see how much a little attention seeking bastard they portrayed me as because that was far away from the truth.

Tell me if you had done something against the law and was planning to do it again would you make a sign stating so and hang it around your neck? I'd really fucking hope not because then you are a complete moron and stealing my precious oxygen. So why would I wear this bright red jacket if I was going around and inquiring about the stone that got me beat up more than once by angry towns people. Of course it only added more insult to injury when I told everyone I was a state alchemist, a mistake I learned early on not to repeat.

My hair used to be blonde yes but my eyes never were and never will be gold. I think they just did that to make the character seem more exotic or unique that was thought up on a whirl of creativity. Al say's, he really talks too damn much, that I shouldn't complain because we gave the permission for our story to be comic-nized and even further cartoon-nized but it still bothers me. If you're going to write something about someone that is factual make it so. Exspecially considering it was based on such an important part of our lives.

You know what I'm done with this. I have better things to do with my life then sit here and explain myself to a bunch of vultures. Don't expect any more from me. All done the end! Period!

Edward Elric


End file.
